The Naked Truth

You wanna know a secret?

Come here get close.

I like getting naked.

TMI? Well how about this-

I like getting naked with my buddies.

And no, it's not gay.

It started a few years ago when I found myself with a Gold's Gym membership and no idea how to exercise in the gym. My friend, who for confidentiality sake we'll call Michelangelo, also had a membership so off we went. The first time was beyond awkward, especially after years of high school locker rooms where the other boys never got past their underwear. Luckily Michelangelo didn't have my same high school experience, he being a practiced runner, so off came our shorts.

Piece I did in my art class a few years ago

The first time was awkward. I'd never been that comfortable with my body, believing that I'm built like Gollum from that old Hobbit cartoon. But standing there in that smelly locker room (bleach and sweat, yay?) I felt something. I felt seen but not judged, and I felt like I was seeing a part of Michelangelo I had never seen before (not just THAT), he was being physically vulnerable with me, and I with him. This experience increased our relationship exponentially, creating a new level of emotional intimacy.

I've since had several opportunities to take my clothes off with other guy friends, many of which were set up by me. Each time I feel the facade I set up every day, the "me" I try to project to the world falls away and my authentic self can show through, and I find that I can authentically be with the people around me.

Naked time hasn't just been confined to moments in the locker room. After taking an intriguing life drawing class my artist friend, whom I shall call Scooby, and I will hold drawing sessions with our friends in which our subjects will disrobe for the sake of art. This allowed me to reach a different level of connection since now I had to actively STARE at my friend's naked body while I try to draw it. The first time I did this with friends was with Michelangelo again, then later Scooby and I arranged one. I found myself enthralled with the human body, it's subtle shapes and lines, how light plays off of human skin...

Sorry that was getting a bit artsy. Back to the matter at hand...

My overall point is that hanging out naked with my buddies is fantastic. I create a safe place of authenticity where I can be myself in every sense of the word, and they can be themselves in turn. It's fun, it's manly, and an overall good time and I would recommend it to anyone who can set up the same.

-JOE

When friends move away

I was spending time with a friend this week (For confidentiality purposes we'll call him Philbert), when he told me about a friend he made at church a few months ago. The man started out attending Philbert's Sunday school class, and moved into bike rides and family get togethers, and  bromance flourished. A couple weeks ago though, Philbert's friend had to move away. He was still in the state but over two hours away, and for a husband and father their friendship sadly had to end. Last week Philbert's friend send him a letter telling hom how much he appreciated the time they had spent together. I read the letter and was touched both by the kindness of the letter and the sadness Philbert had over losing his friend.

After hearing Philbert's story, I couldn't help but think: When I was a child nothing ended a friendship faster than if someone had to move away. I always thought that when I became an adult this would change, but in honesty it still happens.

So in an age where communication can be instantaneous across the world, why is moving still the death of friendship?

While I was getting ready to be married, my friend (For confidentiality purposes we'll call him Megatron) fell in love and got engaged. His fiance had just taken a job in California so Megatron would have to move out there once they were married, but since we live in the digital age and I often frequent Disneyland I figured it wouldn't be that big of a problem.

I was wrong.

Let me back up: Megatron and I met through mutual friends a few years ago. Megatron is the type of guy I've always admired. He's been all around the world, conquering mountains and rivers and exotic places I've always dreamed about. The first time I hitched a ride home with him he found out he was going down the Grand Canyon for the second time. He squeed like a newbie at Comic Con.

Right then and there I bro-fell in love with him.

We spent time together, seeing movies, camping, game nights and getting late night IHOP to discuss life's greatest mysteries. We were close friends and only lived about ten minutes from each other. Life was great.

I remember the night he told me he was going to purpose to the girl in California. I've rarely been so conflicted, as I was both overjoyed that my dear friend had found someone to love forever as I had, but a deep sense of sadness knowing that our friendship would have to change.

Looking back on it now, I know I started to distance myself from Megatron before he moved. Weather it was because I was weeks from my wedding or because I knew he would be going, I'm not sure, but the night we had a going away party for him I couldn't help but cry.

I would miss my friend.

He attended my wedding, and I attended his, but beyond that we haven't talked much. I have his phone number, his Facebook info, email, and we're friends on Steam. I bet with some asking I could get his Skype, Twitter and home address. So why have we only talked once?

I remember this article I read about the different types of friends men have. They're was the "activity" friend, where they share in an activity or hobby together but nothing else, the "convenience" friend, who are friends because they show up at the same place at the same time, like neighbors or coworkers. None of these really fit what Philbert and his friend had or what Megatron and I had, which I would consider bromances, but if they weren't superficial why were they so easy to end?

I think for me the wonders of the digital age just can't replace being in the same physical place at the same time. An IM chat just can't be as deep as looking into a friend's eyes over a meal, and even Skype can only somewhat artificially create it as you're not really looking into someone's eyes, you're looking into a camera.

No matter how advanced it is, it just can't be the same.

In the end, I'm still friends with Megatron as Philbert is still friends with his buddy, but it just isn't the same and I think that's what we want. Men have some sort of social block when it comes to friendship, weather it's part of our culture or just how men are built, either way our close friends are not made easily and they're not made often. So when we have to say goodbye it hurts us.

It hurts just as bad as a nine year old watching their best friend's moving truck pull away.

-JOE

The Great Facebook Outage

Friday I spotted an odd news report as I scrolled through my Facebook: Apparently Facebook had been out for about half an hour (I was busy working and watching Dirty Dancing with Patrick Swayze and didn't notice) and people had called 911 to report it.

I was stunned.

Admittedly I'm a Facebook addict. I love the stupid thing and even wrote a post on my other blog just a couple weeks ago about how it could be used in the future for genealogy as a source of life experiences, but like I said I hadn't even noticed the supposed outage. The thought that someone would be so distraught that they would call 911 over something so pithy was incredible to me, and I had to get to the bottom of it.

And by that I mean, I had to find someone who had called 911 and watch the monkey show play out on the internet for my amusement.

I'm a simple man...

I hunted all day, through news outlets and media sites for someone who was hearing the story and was defending their actions. Surely if someone was bold (or stupid) enough to call 911 over Facebook they would've posted something about how it's "the only way they have to share their cat" or "the only thing that keeps them connected to their high school crush 20 years later", but what I found was even more surprising:

Nothing.

Not one 911 call of someone trying to get help with Facebook.

Not one post of someone saying how horrible it was.

I started looking at the story from a different angle at this point. All I had really seen reported was a tweet sent out of a California police station from an Officer Brink, telling people to stop calling 911 about Facebook being down, and the rest was just people making fun of people for calling 911. So here's my thought: What if it didn't happen?

Yeah, Facebook went down, but what if instead of droves of people calling 911 complaining it was only like one or two, and maybe it was something quasi-legitimate. I have no idea what that would be, but a benefit of the doubt for a second that someone of reasonable intelligence called 911 and it was related to Facebook being down, and this officer got annoyed and posted a tweet, which then spiraled out of control.

A lot of people asked in their reaction to the story what this meant for society, and my question is, what does this story spiraling out of control and everyone, including yours truly, jumping on the bandwagon to call these people idiots mean for society? Has this digital age turned us all into wolves, eagerly waiting for any sign of weakness to exploit? Are we all just waiting with our JPEGs of Captain Picard and Riker facepalming themselves, watching for the perfect time to post them on a story of someone making a mistake for a laugh?

I'll admit, if by the time this post comes out they release 911 tapes or tweets or posts from people saying how panicked they were over Facebook going down, I'll probably grab a bowl of popcorn and watch the show, but what does this mean about us? Is our believed intellectual superiority really grounds to belittle others?

I don't know the answer to these questions, but it did give me something to think about.
-JOE