When friends move away

I was spending time with a friend this week (For confidentiality purposes we'll call him Philbert), when he told me about a friend he made at church a few months ago. The man started out attending Philbert's Sunday school class, and moved into bike rides and family get togethers, and  bromance flourished. A couple weeks ago though, Philbert's friend had to move away. He was still in the state but over two hours away, and for a husband and father their friendship sadly had to end. Last week Philbert's friend send him a letter telling hom how much he appreciated the time they had spent together. I read the letter and was touched both by the kindness of the letter and the sadness Philbert had over losing his friend.

After hearing Philbert's story, I couldn't help but think: When I was a child nothing ended a friendship faster than if someone had to move away. I always thought that when I became an adult this would change, but in honesty it still happens.

So in an age where communication can be instantaneous across the world, why is moving still the death of friendship?

While I was getting ready to be married, my friend (For confidentiality purposes we'll call him Megatron) fell in love and got engaged. His fiance had just taken a job in California so Megatron would have to move out there once they were married, but since we live in the digital age and I often frequent Disneyland I figured it wouldn't be that big of a problem.

I was wrong.

Let me back up: Megatron and I met through mutual friends a few years ago. Megatron is the type of guy I've always admired. He's been all around the world, conquering mountains and rivers and exotic places I've always dreamed about. The first time I hitched a ride home with him he found out he was going down the Grand Canyon for the second time. He squeed like a newbie at Comic Con.

Right then and there I bro-fell in love with him.

We spent time together, seeing movies, camping, game nights and getting late night IHOP to discuss life's greatest mysteries. We were close friends and only lived about ten minutes from each other. Life was great.

I remember the night he told me he was going to purpose to the girl in California. I've rarely been so conflicted, as I was both overjoyed that my dear friend had found someone to love forever as I had, but a deep sense of sadness knowing that our friendship would have to change.

Looking back on it now, I know I started to distance myself from Megatron before he moved. Weather it was because I was weeks from my wedding or because I knew he would be going, I'm not sure, but the night we had a going away party for him I couldn't help but cry.

I would miss my friend.

He attended my wedding, and I attended his, but beyond that we haven't talked much. I have his phone number, his Facebook info, email, and we're friends on Steam. I bet with some asking I could get his Skype, Twitter and home address. So why have we only talked once?

I remember this article I read about the different types of friends men have. They're was the "activity" friend, where they share in an activity or hobby together but nothing else, the "convenience" friend, who are friends because they show up at the same place at the same time, like neighbors or coworkers. None of these really fit what Philbert and his friend had or what Megatron and I had, which I would consider bromances, but if they weren't superficial why were they so easy to end?

I think for me the wonders of the digital age just can't replace being in the same physical place at the same time. An IM chat just can't be as deep as looking into a friend's eyes over a meal, and even Skype can only somewhat artificially create it as you're not really looking into someone's eyes, you're looking into a camera.

No matter how advanced it is, it just can't be the same.

In the end, I'm still friends with Megatron as Philbert is still friends with his buddy, but it just isn't the same and I think that's what we want. Men have some sort of social block when it comes to friendship, weather it's part of our culture or just how men are built, either way our close friends are not made easily and they're not made often. So when we have to say goodbye it hurts us.

It hurts just as bad as a nine year old watching their best friend's moving truck pull away.

-JOE