Harvey Loveless Mysteries 4: Dorm

It's weird to think that people still go to college. 30 years ago all basic beliefs in religion, science and philosophy was turned on its head when a giant creature came out of the ocean near South Carolina and proved that we had no idea how anything worked. But people still get married in churches, movies still get made about space travel, and for some reason people still go to college, which is why I could find myself walking through the doors of a men's dormitory at 8 A.M., despiting wanting nothing more but to go back to bed.

Coffee in one hand and sunglasses firmly in place, I entered the dorm's common room. The usual smattering of students sat in just barely comfortable armchairs, doing everything from frantically typing on laptops to sleeping. I walked past them, doing a quick scan for anything that looked Necronomicon-ey. No such luck, though I did see an amusing Freddy Mercury tee shirt I'd have to remember to pick up later.

I continued up the stairs past a sign that said "Men Only". The rule had been ignored by plenty of students over the years to smuggle late-night girlfriends in, but knowing Nick the thought probably never crossed his mind. I took the stairs up to the third floor and, after wondering why the hell this place didn't have an elevator, made my way to room 304, Nick's room.

The door was unusual in the fact that it wasn't covered in the usual posters and stickers that decorated the other doors. It only had a simple nameplate that said "Spinner/Sanders". I knocked and waited for an answer. The door opened slowly to reveal Nick, not looking like he'd slept since the events of last night, peering out from behind.

"You decent?" I asked. The awkwardness hadn't left my office till he did last night. It's unusual for friends to drop their pants in front of each other, much less casual aquaintences from support groups for those not wanting to become a monster.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." he said and let me in. The room looked like it was a model for perspective residents. Everything was so neat I felt like I was cluttering it just by being there. Two beds sat at either side of the room, with a desk directly opposite of each. Sitting in one was who I presumed was Barry, Nick's roommate. He was dressed in a black turtleneck with matching jeans, as tough he was about to recite poetry in a coffee shop somewhere. Nick closed the door behind me. He was in the same sweater/jeans combo he was in last night, and I wondered if he'd slept in it.

"Nice place," I said as I stood there awkwardly.

"Barry, this is Harvey, the guy I told you about. Harvey, Barry." said Nick, though Barry never looked up from his computer.

"Yeah hay" Barry said.

"Hi" I said, taking another sip of coffee.

"Barry, I'm sorry but I need the place." Nick said to his roommate.

For the first time Barry looked up. "Nick, you've never needed the place before. Oh la la!"

Nick rolled his eyes as Barry packed his laptop into a backpack and took a step toward the door. "Don't make a mess boys!" he said as he left.

"Sorry about that," said Nick as he quickly shut the door. "Barry's gay and thinks I am too since I never go out with girls."

"Right," I said, setting my coffee down on the desk. "Does he know about..." I asked while motioning to his belly.

"Oh no! I always change in the bathroom. Modesty is one of my biggest rules for myself." Nick said.

"Right," I said again. "Listen, let's get to the task at hand, where is this friend of yours who showed you the bootleg book?"

Just then a knock came at the door and Nick opened it to reveal a man with Nick's muscly build but who had at least five inches on me. He was huge to the point of almost unreal. He had in his massive hands a stack of papers loosely tied together with an equally massive rubber band.

"Harvey, this is James," Nick said. James extended his hand out to me and I took it. For a moment it felt like I was shaking a bunch of bananas.

"Yo," he said smiling. "Hay Nick, is this guy cool?"

Nick looked even more nervous. I interjected. "Yeah, I'm cool. Is that the thing?"

Apparently that was all the veneration James needed as he grinned and slapped the pile of papers onto the desk. "Yeah, man! A genuine Necro!"

I eyed the stack cautiously. It looked like any other stack of printer paper, dog eared with a coffee ring on the top like someone had used it as a coaster at one point, but I'd seen Nicks.... Affliction... and I knew something was up.

"May I?" I asked as I reached for it.

"Be my guest," said James as Nick made the sign of the cross behind him.

I removed the rubber band and started flipping through the pages. It was identical to the one Tom had shown me except this one had extra notes in the margins in various handwriting and the back to some of the pages had doodles and cartoons illustrating different passages, particularly the sex rituals.

The thing was that, once again, I could tell it wasn't real. A real Necronomicon teems with power, and calls to anything touched by the Eldrich around it, so that little voice in the back of my head that tempts me to use magic would've started screaming. This thing though, nothing. No drawing towards it. No loud voice. Just paper with lewd pictures.

"How does it work?" I asked, feigning interest while stopping on a particularly detailed drawing.

"Dude, you just do the ritual for whatever you want to do and it does it." He said as if explaining to me how the phone works. I lifted my eyebrow at him hoping he'd elaborate.

"Here, let me show you." he said pushing me aside with ease. Nick tried to object but I caught his eye and shook my head. I needed to see what this guy did with the book.

James flipped through the book till he found a page he liked. He then produced a piece of chalk from his pocket and began drawing a set of symbols from the book onto the desk. My stomach twisted as I watched him write, wondering if this may've been a bad idea. He then began chanting in a language I'd never heard.

The thing was, I'd seen a real Necronomicon, a few times. I'd used one only once, but it was an experience I'd never forget.

Imagine my surprise then when the symbols began to glow with a sickly green fire. I instinctively stepped back and began to reach for my own power. Before anything else happened though there was a loud pop and the glow disappeared. On the desk sat a steaming cooked burrito.

"Um... what?" was all I could say as I stared at the burrito torn from the aether.

"Food summoning spell!" James said as he picked up and bit into the eldrich snack.

I wanted to say "There's no such thing" but apparently there it was, clear as day. A ritual spell that summoned food, but didn't require making a pact with an otherworldly creature.

"Can I see that?" I asked and held out my hand for the bitten burrito.

"Sure, man." James said with a mouth full of food. I took it carefully not to spill the contents. It was perfectly warm, not hot enough to burn but just right to make it the perfect tasty treat. I smelled it and got the aroma of fresh beans, cheese and chicken. I felt a little stupid examining the thing, I'm supposed to be a magic Dick Tracey not college Gordon Ramsey.

"Where are you from?" I said to the burrito, throwing some of my power behind it. At this point I was at a complete loss so figured one shortcut wouldn't hurt.

My vision faded as I saw the burrito go back into the pages of the book then the book quickly restore itself to when it was first copied, then I saw it go back to the copier and becoming blank pages again. Then I followed the papers that book was copied from, then the book it was copied from and over and over through eight different copiers till I arrived at the original book.

It was small, about the size of a paperback novel, and not very thick. It was wrapped in black leather with a white shard of metal woven into the cover. It wasn't a Necronomicon, it was something... else... I saw the woman in a plain white dress, her blond hair coming in waves off her face. She looked like she was on her way to a Renaissance fair but there was a modern copier in front of her. She looked nervous as she made the first copy of the book.

My vision cleared and I was sitting on the floor of the dorm room. My back was to the bed as I sat in a sitting position. I had a splitting headache for some reason. The burrito was cold in my hand.

Nick and James looked at me with worry in their eyes.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Dude, you totally spazzed out!" said John excitedly.

"Are you okay?" asked Nick, his face pale and shining with sweat.

"I think so... Sorry I tried to do a tracer spell..."

I felt something burning on my stomach. I lifted up my shirt to expose the tendrils coming from my naval, black and otherworldly and saw that the spot where they'd last grown a little since using magic on the idiot cultists had retreated. In its place was the regular under tanned flesh of my stomach.

"Interesting..." I said, which I decided was the best thing to say when you have no idea what the hell's going on.